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Song: "When You Break" by Bear's Den
About the Text
The stir fry "chaos" spoke sharply to my experiences with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Well before I understood that something was perhaps "amiss," or that it was something I could control, anxious "counter-narratives" guided my actions (such as whether I wanted to stay or leave a room), and also led to physical manifestations like chronic, phantom nausea. This lasted for several years, in which I could hardly stand to hang out with my friends or colleagues outside of structured environments like classrooms or workplaces. I eventually spoke to a physician about what was happening with my body, and this search for resources helped me better understand my situation, how I handle (or fail to handle) thoughts, and the impact on the way I navigated my environment.
The digital environment of the text allows me to layer different voices in a texturized way. In conjunction with my own conflicting narratives, similarly, there is the soundtrack. In a space where I feel most anxious or lost, I anchor myself to the music in a restaurant, the game playing in a sports bar.